Everything I Need To Know About Parenting I Learned From The Simpsons

This week Erin and I completed our "Baby Basics" class at UCSF. Designed to teach us about all the basics of newborns such as diapers, swaddling, signs of illness, sleeping habits, etc., it reminded me - as nearly every situation in life does - of an episode of The Simpsons.

It's the episode where Marge and Homer lose custody of the kids. In order to get them back, a judge forces them to take a family skills class. The class winds up being tremendously condescending as Marge and Homer get such priceless pieces of advice as:

• "If you leave milk out, it can go sour. Put it in the refrigerator, or, failing that, a cool wet sack."
• "Put your garbage in a garbage can, people. I can't stress that enough. Don't just throw it out the window."
• "Stupid babies need the MOST attention."

The class actually wasn't that bad and we did pick up quite a few useful tips. And considering I'm a child-rearing novice, I honestly can use all the advice and tips I can get.

In that regard, I've been doing quite a bit of reading to get myself as prepared as possible for the arrival of the twins. Last month I breezed through The Happiest Baby On The Block which is to baby book collections what Bob Marley's Legend is to record collections. EVERYONE seems to own a copy. And this week I'm wrapping up an excellent and entertaining book that I'd recommend to all expectant dads (and moms) called Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for Dads. (www.beprepared.net).

Among the many chestnuts of wisdom in the book is instructions on how to make an emergency diaper out of a towel, sock and duct tape. Now there's something you won't learn in any class.