Everything I Need To Know About Parenting I Learned From The Simpsons

This week Erin and I completed our "Baby Basics" class at UCSF. Designed to teach us about all the basics of newborns such as diapers, swaddling, signs of illness, sleeping habits, etc., it reminded me - as nearly every situation in life does - of an episode of The Simpsons.

It's the episode where Marge and Homer lose custody of the kids. In order to get them back, a judge forces them to take a family skills class. The class winds up being tremendously condescending as Marge and Homer get such priceless pieces of advice as:

• "If you leave milk out, it can go sour. Put it in the refrigerator, or, failing that, a cool wet sack."
• "Put your garbage in a garbage can, people. I can't stress that enough. Don't just throw it out the window."
• "Stupid babies need the MOST attention."

The class actually wasn't that bad and we did pick up quite a few useful tips. And considering I'm a child-rearing novice, I honestly can use all the advice and tips I can get.

In that regard, I've been doing quite a bit of reading to get myself as prepared as possible for the arrival of the twins. Last month I breezed through The Happiest Baby On The Block which is to baby book collections what Bob Marley's Legend is to record collections. EVERYONE seems to own a copy. And this week I'm wrapping up an excellent and entertaining book that I'd recommend to all expectant dads (and moms) called Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for Dads. (www.beprepared.net).

Among the many chestnuts of wisdom in the book is instructions on how to make an emergency diaper out of a towel, sock and duct tape. Now there's something you won't learn in any class.

Erin's First Blog Entry: Cutting and Pasting an Email from Dan

To: Dan's mom, Erin's parents, Erin
From: Dan
Date: 5/18/09
Subject: Lola the babysitter

Enc.: lolababysitter.jpg

We told Lola she needs to chip in when the babies arrive. She volunteered to babysit. Now we need to teach her what babysitting actually is.

- Dan

Two Of Everything: Hand-Made Sweaters

We received these two sweaters this week from Aunt Donna. She knitted them herself and we think they're incredible. Rumor has it Uncle Tom was the brains behind the color scheme and supervised the project.

They'll be perfect for chilly San Francisco days.

Preggos Drink Free

This past Saturday night Erin and I rolled down the hill to Bloom's Saloon - one of Pot Hill's best (and one of its only) bars - to meet our friends Roobz and G$ for a drink.

We got there a little early and were immediately greeted by Gene, the regular weekend night bartender. Noticing that Erin was pregnant, Gene quickly gave her his undivided attention
and served her a virgin ice water. I ordered a rum & coke which - upon his learning that we were having twins - was generously comped by Gene.

"Twins!? That's great! This one's on me," he said.

Yes! Free drink. I'll take it.

But the funny thing is, Gene is one of those "meeting you for the first time, no matter how many times you've met him" type of guys. What I mean is that every time we see him - and we've been to Bloom's dozens of times now - Gene is always friendly to us, but never remembers us from previous visits. It's like we're walking into his bar for the very first time, every time.

For a while this bugged me because it's been a goal of mine to quickly become a recognized regular at the neighborhood bar. But after Saturday's free drink, I think this could have its advantages.

What if Gene continues not to recognize us, but continues his generous gesture of free drinks for the expectant father?

"Twins!? That's great! This one's on me," he'll say each and every time I visit. Like a scene out of Groundhog Day. Then he'll continue, "You know... it's funny... just last week some customers came in who were having twins. The week before that too. Must be something in the water."

I could be basking in free rum & cokes for the remainder of Erin's pregnancy.

Cheers Gene!

It Fit When I Put It On This Morning

"Awww... this is the last time I'll get to wear this shirt."

It's a refrain that I've been hearing from Erin more and more lately.  She usually declares this, sadly, in the morning once she's dressed and ready to head to work.  She's grown very fond of her maternity clothes and seems to hate saying goodbye to the shirts and dresses that don't fit anymore.

My favorite part is when she puts something on in the morning and asks me, "Dan, do you think I can get away with wearing this just one more time?"  It's usually a close call, but I always say 'yes.'

Here's a look at Erin's belly, starting at week 14 and as recently as week 28.  We'll add some more shots to this slide show as she grows.